Labor Day...wants vs. needs or "I hate to sweat"

There, now you know...I hate to sweat. I know it's a normal body function, trying to make me cool, but I hate it. All it does is make me wet. And I don't like to be wet... except in the ocean, or lake, or shower. Not outdoors when I'm doing work. Not after I've already showered. Not when I'm putting my "wants" to the side and doing a "need". Now I'm cranky. I'm irritated. I'm sick of living along. Not really sick of it, just annoyed that I have to do stuff around the outside of the house. I don't like yard work. But I also don't like walking out to the mailbox and getting covered by a spider's web. So that means, I needed to cut back the flowerless hibiscus. Now I showed them. I cut them way back. First no flowers, now no leaves! I'd haul them out of the ground today but that would require more sweating and I'm not in the mood.
Let's retrace my thinking...I wanted to drive to the beach today to look for sea glass or any other treasures. I'd printed the directions, gathered my necessities, just needed to go! But I'd also allowed myself to sleep in, so by the time I was ready to go, I decided I'd just as soon stay here and work on a sea glass project, rather than drive all that way and perhaps not find any treasures. My project is something for my classroom. All planned, just not started, and hence, not finished. But for some reason that little ugly nagging voice in my head, said, "Why don't you just trim back those two hibiscus plants?" and I figured it would be a small job and it wasn't too hot, so I could do it.Wrong.
Once I've cooled off, I'll do the project and change my mood, I'm sure. On holidays, I think I'll only do my wants. No needs. Those will be for other days.
Okay, I've learned another lesson, today. For me, in my reconstruction project, I'm going to do wants only on holidays.
No more labor for me today. I'm now smiling and I thank you for listening. You've been an immense help.
Happy Want Day!

Getting a Permit

For many construction jobs, there are several permits to acquire. Someone in authority has to okay, or check, your work. Is it up to the local or national standards?

Well, in my construction job, I need a permit to do/say/let loose/let go/spit out/cleanse or walk away from, and a close relative gave it to me today. She said, "I give you permission." As powerful as any permit in my book!

Do any of you remember the show Designing Women and the one episode where Mary Jo tells the audience of a public access show that a particular man was a bum, scum, and someone to run away from? Once he "got" the girl, he then would drop her for no apparent reason. There was a "support group" for the women who'd been dumped by this guy. Mary Jo warned all the listeners to run from guys like this and she even showed his picture.

Well, I have my own public service announcement. Remove yourself from the company of toxic individuals. Don't let them share your air. They may come in the form of negative people or selfish people; sarcastic or just plain irritating; perverted or devoid of moral fiber. They may try to offer bits of humor or something redeemable once in a while, but if you are recognizing that the cost (of being around them) is too high, run away. If they take too much energy and give you nothing, they are toxic. Get away. If it feels as if your skin is being burned off and you have only one arm left and that's not enough to defend yourself, get away. If you spend lots of energy making their world smooth so that they don't get upset, stop. It's an abyss.

Get away. Let go. Move away. Build your own boundaries to keep these bogey men out. Trust me they are scary because they don't look scary! They may be handsome, gregarious, charming (at first), personable, come from respectable families, but they have secrets that their families don't even know about. Do you tell the families? Would they even believe you? What would be the point? Vindication on your part? Not sure...but I have a story to tell to the nation.

Stay tuned.

That's all for today, folks.

"I don't like spiders and snakes" (who sings that?)

It's Saturday and I seem to have time to think and process and acknowledge and sift through and come to some conclusions by Saturday. I used to get up early and feel excited by Saturdays. Now I appreciate the opportunity to mellow on a Saturday...let the week soak in. Be. Don't worry about doing. Delicous.
In lieu of my construction process, today I have some bullet items that I've learned this week. Not without some mistakes, mind you, but learned all the same.
*Don't be friends with a snake.
(Remember the Garden of Eden )
*Pray before ANY decision, no matter how "good" it seems at the time.
(I'm way too trusting and needy for something...can't figure that out exactly.)
*Don't offer any info to the snake.
*Snakebites have venom.
*I'm too precious to be connected to something slithery and cold and lowdown.

a tractor among the motorcycles

I was driving in the country yesterday and in front of an ice house, I saw a row of motorcycles and one tractor. It cracked me up! Someone parked his tractor at the ice house??
Today I feel like that. I just don't fit in with the vision of myself. I knew when I got done teaching I was glad to be "myself" and not my teaching persona, but a week into the vacation, and I've not found "my place" yet. I know it all is under the change that comes with a divorce, but I wasn't prepared for that "I don't know who I am" again. I had that at first for several months into the separation, but I'd thought I was all "set" but I can tell now I'm not. I'm like jello..still jiggly and not "set". That's OK, now that I understand what's going on. It unnerved me for the last few days but today I figured out what's happening.
Whew...I'm just a tractor surrounded by motorcycles. I may always be different, and that's ok, but I may just be in transition. This is my journey and I'm learning as I go.

Summertime....and the livin' is easy.....

"Summertime, summertime, sum- sum- summertime" is a song from years back. The time frame holds rich possibilities for me. Each day is a gift that I've longed for and looked forward to and had to wait for. I feel free. What will I do with each day? I'm filled with hope and joy.
Friday when I turned in my keys I had no idea that at that moment, I would feel free. A weight lifted from my shoulders. Later that afternoon, when I walked across my street to the mailbox, I felt different than I had for most of this year. I realized I was "Cynthia" again and not Mrs. (last name) for a parcel of time and I liked that. I've missed her. I've had to take on a different persona being a teacher full time and I'm ready to reclaim me.
I read the paper from front to back today looking for, and thinking about, "what's out there that I'd like to do/see/experience"? I looked through the movies, but I don't want to be inside. I'll want to visit some beaches on weekends; places I've never gone to. Someone wrote about a "grateful" journal. Someone else wrote about adventures and what they feel like. I want to push my boundries and have some adventures of my own. Of course, going to Rome with Mamma and my two sisters will fall under that category bigtime!
I had my granddaughter over last night for our first "sleepover". It was fun and this morning with her hair hanging down to her chin, totally covering her face, and mine spiked up every whichway, I just laughed at the sight we made!
I want to do something new each day and that will take some thought. Of course, today I stayed in my jammies all day and that didn't take any planning, but I think I'll drive somewhere before I call it a day. I want to get outdoors every single day.
Today was delicious and totally enjoyed. Reading the paper on the day it came was a treat! Watching movies was just delightful. No plans to write tonight. Yippeeeeee. Teaching produces things always hanging over you. It's such a relief to be out from under that pressure. My neck aches need a reprieve.
So that's about it for today. I hope to write regularly and I'm glad I have my time back.
In the good ole summertime....

Coming to the end

In a month I will no longer go to work each day. My fifth graders will be gone. They will be looking towards junior high and I will be sleeping late and breathing in summer, but right now I am sad. I don't want to lose them. I've worked very hard this year and they have inched their way into my heart. This week has been a turning point. I can see the end coming and I'm realizing that with all the difficulties I have had with some of them, I can also see growth and I am proud of that for them. I am proud of the time and energy I have invested in them. I am proud of the way they have "turned out". We've worked hard together and I'm seeing the fruits of our labor and now that we know how to work with each other, I don't want to let that go, only to get another group next year who know nothing about how to work with me, nor how I should work with them. Plus they are going to be third graders. They're going to seem like "babies" to me and I'll have to start all over again. (moan and sigh....)
Who'll fix my computer? Who'll find anything/everything I lose or misplace? Who'll see things to be done and do them? Who'll offer to do this or that and handle in on their own, 'cause they are old enough to know how to do lots of things? It wigs me out. Mentally I am already making notes about how to train the next class.
I know this is purely selfish and I certainly want my students to go to their next step, but I'm honestly going to miss them. It's been a good year and I'm getting all mushy....

Thank you, Lord, for this group. Please help them move on and help me to let go. Ends are also chances for new beginnings...

Field day/Feel Day

Wednesday was Field Day at my school. I will mention that I'm the most "senior" person (and I don't mean the length of time I've been teaching at this school!!) on my 6-woman team and we were told that there would be events for the teachers. First of our events was "hoppity ball", which is one of those big balls with a handle attached. "LEAN forward" we were told by the PE coach, "otherwise you'll fall backward". How hard could this be...bounce to the line. Seemed like something fun. The whistle blew and I was the slowest one off the line because it was hard to bounce this body up in the air plus go forward at the same time! Okay, I wouldn't win. But then I fell off! Okay, I wasn't going to finish either. I brushed myself off and tried to preserve my dignity as I realized falling in the dirt and soiling my clothes wasn't my idea of a good time nor were my 5th graders very impressed. The kids had more activities so they didn't dwell on my poor perfomance.

The next event for staff was the "waddle ball". We were to place a playground ball between our knees and waddle to the finish line. I could do this and I did...even came in second. I was pumped!! (My competetive genes have been v-e-r-y slow to develop, but they are in full force now!) Kids were proud and we were having a great time.

By the end of their festivities, the PE coach stood on a chair and told them to go in the gym for the final event..the teachers' obstacle course. Once a hundred and fifty kids were in the gym lining the walls, the 6 of us lined up and listened to the coach's instructions. As I've mentioned earlier, I "out age" these women by 20 to 30 years, and I didn't want to be the last one to finish. When the whistle blew, I ran to the hula hoops, grabbed one, swiveled my hips and sang "Happy Birthday"! (My own children know how much I used to enjoy the hula hoop....but by now I need one with a bigger circumference!) I finished that with only one drop of the hoop and ran to the "toss the rubber chicken into the plastic pail" event. Tougher than it looked, but after 4-5 shots, I succeeded! On to the bowling and I was catching up! Knocked the ten pins down and then grabbed a balloon and ran to a chair to burst it under my buttinski. I jump when balloons break, so this is not a fun thing for me, but I smooshed that thing and was the first to cross the balance beam. In my mind, I was going to be the winner, and I was really psyched! The last event was to sink a basketball, and by now, I was sucking wind and trying to beat my 25-year old partner, but no such luck. She sunk one and by now I was shooting underhanded, but I kept at it till I was a winner, just not the winner. She and I both collapsed on the floor and were very proud of ourselves...till we looked over and a teammate was on the floor in the middle of the gym needing the nurse's attention and later we found out breathing problems claimed another.

I was sorry two of my friends were suffering, but I was pleased it wasn't me, for the sheer fact I feel (and am) so much older than they are. As I got closer to my class, they were actually smiling and trying to high five me! I felt great!

Once we got back to class, the kids started talking about how I fell on the hoppity thing, but then I'd improved on the waddle ball and finally I'd done well to get second on the obstacle course! I was enjoying the moment and their satisfaction with my performance.

We got back to work and the class was working on math when I had to use the restroom. I returned and was sitting at my desk helping a student, when another student came up and got in close to me and I thought "what is she doing?" (She generally hugs me every day but at the end of the day..not in the middle.) I was about to say, "Step back, you're in my space," when I realized she was trying to whisper something to me. I don't hear out of my left ear so turned my head for her to speak into my right ear, when I caught the words, "You have toilet paper sticking out of your pants." I thanked her and reached around back to "take care of things" and all the while mortified!! Oh my gracious! Casually I left the room and fixed the problem and returned with no one else the wiser. Now I do need to mention that I have another student who had just that morning made fun of my basketball skills (or lack thereof) and seems to criticize me to her friends as well as to the other teacher, so I was quite thankful she hadn't seen my "tail". I did have a good laugh later on and it certainly made for a good story in the teacher's lunch room.

My Field Day '09 memories will be good ones and I hope I will always enjoy a good laugh on me!