Friends on the same journey

Some time ago I read that friends are important due, in part, to who we become when we're with them. I can't remember the exact words, but there's a magic (my word) that occurs. "You" bring out something in me that only you can. I "become" in relation to what synergy we have and what gets created when we're together.
All this to say 5 of us gathered this morning for two or three hours and we're all "under construction". We're each trying to "find out who we are," and not that gibberish about "finding ourselves" that was part of popular culture a few years ago. When you go through a divorce, the separating of the two people is palpable. There's a ripping and tearing of your life in such a way as to require you to build yourself, to figure out who you are after the debris settles. Well, it still hasn't settled altogether, but the infrequent revelations are just "irritating"  reminders, rather than the jagged lightening and cacophonous thunder of the original storm.
Anyway, back to this unique group. Since we're each putting ourselves back together, ala Humpty Dumpty, we are encouraging, listening, celebrating, questioning, and even holding each other accountable. This last facet is what makes this group of friends unique for me. The accountability factor adds a new dimension. It allows me to say more than I would otherwise. It has given me permission, so to speak. Maybe it's me. Maybe I've just taken a leap in the area of relating. But I think it's the shared experience. I've not had that with my other friends in just the same way.
I am here to say that going through a divorce is downright painful. Hurtful. Excruciating. But the upside is finding these women. We are invisibly holding hands like in the game of "Red Rover, Red Rover, send so-and-so right over." Remember how you would hold hands and call out to someone to come run into your chain of hands to see if you could keep that person out or if he/she would break the chain? Well, no one can break our chain! We are walking forward together, not just holding hands, but with arms intertwined.
Thanks, girls. I couldn't do it without you. Someday, I'll sing "Thanks For the Memories" just like Bob Hope. Hey, hope was what we talked about this morning!  God be with you till we meet again.

Sumo Wrestler, I'm not!

You've seen those fake Sumo Wrestlers on TV in the fake "fat" suits, and when they bump into each other . Of course, the "fat" is to protect their bodies from being hurt. Well, I've turned into a Sumo Wrestler of sorts. I'm fat, but I'm not into the Sumo Wrestling part!
In going through the separation and divorce, I ended up padding the pain. In my mind, I thought "I can do anything I want...I can eat anything I want." But as of today I don't want to look or feel this way anymore.
Last night I was up with acid reflux the likes of which I've never encountered before. I'm taking it as a literal "wake up" call and this morning I wrote, "I am choosing to claim my smaller body again. I no longer will allow the pain of divorce to hide in my fat. I release it. I want to be clean and fresh. No padding of pain. Let it fall away. It doesn't become me."
I've not thought this way before. I now see the fat as protecting me from the pain. The initial experience was assaulting and I may have said "I can do (eat) anything I want", but I now see the fat as holding the pain. The cells of pain are encased in the fat. I NO longer want to be covered in pain! I want to be free and that means I'll be vulnerable again. I haven't wanted any male relationships, and as of this moment, I'm still not ready, but I see now that no one could have gotten through that ugly veneer.
I went to a support group last week, and I heard again that it takes about five years to be fully healed from a divorce. I am about half way through that time frame and as I walk forward, I believe that length of time. Things are revealed more slowly now, but just as important. God is healing me from the inside out. I'm truly grateful.
So I am writing all this to hold me accountable. I will not talk about this to many, but if I write it, I am committing to releasing the pain. That sounds more workable than "going on a diet". Yuck. I know it's all the same, but I need to think about the shedding of pounds in a different way.
So on January 17, 2011, I commit to becoming free of pain/fat. Literally and figuratively.
Blessings to you.

Blessed Be The Ties That Bind

The title words are those of a hymn that we would sing after communion when I was a kid. We'd hold hands across the aisle and the experience of "breaking bread together" in the presence of God would bind us together. At least that was what I felt.
Today I'm thinking of other binding ties. Friends. I value and appreciate the friendships with kids I met when I was younger. We may have met in school or college or during a summer away. Maybe we met as young adults. Wherever the meeting, there are some I still have connections with and the friendships are deeper. There are unspoken memories. There are memories we do talk of...a particular teacher or a particular experience we remember. These people are parts and parcels of who I am today. We share common threads in the tapestry of our lives. How rich I feel when I reconnect and I still enjoy the person! There are others I have a history with, but no present. I've tried and there's nothing there. It's like a misfire. Others, you meet again and you just pick up where you left off.
I cherish these friendships with a history. I feel rich. I feel deeper and I enjoy the opportunity to reconnect as "oldsters" and "wisers". I enjoy asking questions and getting to "reknow" the person.
If the tie still binds, what a gift. If we've changed and no longer have the tie, we let go. It's part of life. I can tell almost immediately.
As I age, I no longer spend time with people I have no feeling for. I protect my time. It's fulfilling to know that I can chose how I spend it. It's freeing to have figured out what matters to me.
Friends who share a history with me matter to me. God bless each one of you.