Sumo Wrestler, I'm not!

You've seen those fake Sumo Wrestlers on TV in the fake "fat" suits, and when they bump into each other . Of course, the "fat" is to protect their bodies from being hurt. Well, I've turned into a Sumo Wrestler of sorts. I'm fat, but I'm not into the Sumo Wrestling part!
In going through the separation and divorce, I ended up padding the pain. In my mind, I thought "I can do anything I want...I can eat anything I want." But as of today I don't want to look or feel this way anymore.
Last night I was up with acid reflux the likes of which I've never encountered before. I'm taking it as a literal "wake up" call and this morning I wrote, "I am choosing to claim my smaller body again. I no longer will allow the pain of divorce to hide in my fat. I release it. I want to be clean and fresh. No padding of pain. Let it fall away. It doesn't become me."
I've not thought this way before. I now see the fat as protecting me from the pain. The initial experience was assaulting and I may have said "I can do (eat) anything I want", but I now see the fat as holding the pain. The cells of pain are encased in the fat. I NO longer want to be covered in pain! I want to be free and that means I'll be vulnerable again. I haven't wanted any male relationships, and as of this moment, I'm still not ready, but I see now that no one could have gotten through that ugly veneer.
I went to a support group last week, and I heard again that it takes about five years to be fully healed from a divorce. I am about half way through that time frame and as I walk forward, I believe that length of time. Things are revealed more slowly now, but just as important. God is healing me from the inside out. I'm truly grateful.
So I am writing all this to hold me accountable. I will not talk about this to many, but if I write it, I am committing to releasing the pain. That sounds more workable than "going on a diet". Yuck. I know it's all the same, but I need to think about the shedding of pounds in a different way.
So on January 17, 2011, I commit to becoming free of pain/fat. Literally and figuratively.
Blessings to you.