Joy

"I have a joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart," is a song I sang as a child and it hits the spot today. It's Easter weekend and boy, am I filled with joy! Joy in my Lord. Joy in my heart. Joy in my circumstances. Those who know me might be wondering..."joy" in your circumstances? That's right. I am a joy-filled person today because of my circumstances.
Last Easter Sunday was a kalaidescope of feelings and situations. (Good Friday and that Saturday were both tsunamis of epic proportions that threatened to obliterate my life and all I held dear.) Church on Easter was precious and tender with my son and daughter-in-law by my side. I shed some tears but not many. Dinner was full of surprises and laughter. Afternoon was a time of questions and answers and truths and honest talk. Like a sunrise, each thought opening up to another and beaming a tiny bit stronger, I came to some conclusions and by evening, I was filled with action. In that one day of Easter, 2008, I was a changed woman. I turned a corner and never looked back.
In one year, I have let my light shine a little brighter. I am not hiding it under a bushel, no! I am stronger, yet more tender-hearted; alone, but not lonely; forgiving, but also forgiven. I have been able to "let go" (of hurts). I have been able to "take back" (my own happiness). I have been able to be more tender towards others whom I may (ok, would have) ignored. I have been able to be a model (to my children). I have exposed myself (in emotional areas). I have wrestled with words and feelings and hurts and questions and more feelings and partially cleaned out the dark areas of my heart. I have spoken freely. I have spoken boldly. I have listened to what was said, as well as what wasn't said. I have stopped speaking at times. I have stopped listening at other times. I have offered apologies. I have received apologies.
I have prayed and cried and listened and laughed and spilt out my fears to my Heavenly Father. I have talked outloud to Him. I have talked privately to Him. I have worshipped and loved and read of Him. I have declared my desire to be all He thought of when He created me. I have thanked Him. I have been awed by Him. I have felt loved by Him. I have been quieted by Him.
I am honored to be where I am, and who I am, today. I wouldn't trade the last year for anything, not even to have stayed where I was.
You see, I have the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart,
Down in my heart, down in my heart
I have the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart,
Way down in my heart to stay!
Have a Joy-filled Easter!